


Don't call me doll.

by peachybagel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Flirting, M/M, Sucky writing, also an au where humans and trolls are on earth together or something i guess, but also thats not too relevant but it explains why coffeeshops and bookstores are there lmao, no SBurb AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 08:08:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4739045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachybagel/pseuds/peachybagel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A dumb oneshot to satisfy my shipping needs, and because it's something a close friend ships.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't call me doll.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry my writing is awful  
> im really trying to get better, and to get used to writing oneshots

It's summer. A young man in a leather jacket is frantically trying to find somewhere to hide, sees a café with outdoor seats, and immediately sits down at a table across from someone.  
"Okay, listen, this is gonna be really fuckin weird, but I need you to pretend to be dating me for like, ten minutes, alright? I'm tryna hide from my crazy ass ex-matesprit 'cause apparently she's havin' none of this."  
The smaller figure's eyes flicked up from his drink and phone, in slight disbelief. Although he was seemingly too tired to react vulgarly or theatrically as he normally would. "... Alright. On one condition. "  
The older of the two looked slightly worried, shifting uncomfortably while waiting for the other to continue. "Yeah?"  
"You have to take me to the store and buy me a book."  
"Buy you a book?" The troll in the jacket repeated.  
"Yeah, that's what I said. " His arms crossed as he looked up, noticing that the lad sporting the leather jacket was actually kind of attractive. Save for the fact that he looked like a total douche. His hair was slicked back and he had a cigarette in his mouth, but he didn't appear to be smoking it, or even intending to. Weird.  
"Alrighty doll, it's a deal. The name's Cronus, and I'll be your dashing new matesprit for the next ten minutes. Or longer if you want." Cronus winked and leaned back into his chair.  
"Okay, first off, I'm Karkat. Second, if you call me doll again, I'll wring you out by your neck until every last drop of your purple blood has been removed from your skinny little fucking body." He hissed and showed off his teeth, though not very impressive for a troll. Trolls typically have sharp teeth, but his looked a lot more like human teeth, with how round they were.  
"Someone's aggressive. Anyway, sorry bout that, I--" He turns away for a moment. "Oh shit, here she comes. Quick, hold my hand" Karkat grabs Cronus's hand, looking barely half interested in what he could possibly have to say, much less the dude himself. A woman with her hair up in a bun witch chopsticks in it came up to the table and started yelling at Cronus. Karkat couldn't make out half of what she was saying, but man did she sound _pissed_.  
"Babe, babe, I'm sorry. But please, don't scare off my new sweetie."  
"NEW SWEETIE? FUCK YOU. 私はあなたが嫌いな人、あなたの体からあなたのバルジを引裂き、あなたの喉をそれを突き出します"  
Karkat was terrified and squeezed Cronus's hand. The Asian woman scowled at him, then looked back to Cronus. "私は一人であなたを残します。 彼はかわいい。" She paused, and before leaving, gave them both the bird. "嫌いな人であなたをファック。"

Cronus turned to Karkat and whispered to him; placing his other hand over the two that were weaved together. "I'm so fuckin' sorry, thank you so much, babe. Now let's go get that book for you. Where do you wanna go?"  
"You know the bookstore down the street?"  
"Yeah."  
"Let's go there." Karkat sat up and brushed a couple crumbs off of his shirt, then picked up his drink and trash.  
"Alright. Wherever you wanna be, doll." He lazily settled his arm over Karkat's shoulder.  
"What the hell did I say about that?" Karkat hissed, but didn't leave Cronus's side.  
"Sorry, sweetie, you're just so cute."  
"Fuck you."  
"Time and place, baby." Cronus grinned. Karkat scowled at him, then burst into laughter. He could get used to this.


End file.
